a tumble down the rabbit hole

our health care "system" sucks so bad it's not funny. i had to wait six weeks before my doc would order the mri for my herniated disc because he said the insurance wouldn't approve it before that, and i'm sure he's right, he does this kind of stuff all the time. week seven of this effing saga is when i finally get my mri. why do i need an mri? so i can go to the next step: see a neurologist.

i see the neurologist last week. he gives me oral steroids and an anti-seizure medicine that is supposed to work on different neural pain pathways. they've both been surprising effective at moving me from barely being able to walk and in pain all the time to being able to mange the pain (along with the percocet) and being more ambulatory than before. chairs are still a problem (i'm lying down with my laptop to write this), can't do much or it hurts, but still, better than before. he also recommends that i get an epidural steroid shot. next step: see an anesthesiologist to get an epidural steroid shot.

so... i call the referred approved anesthesiologist (because it's all go to be approved and referred, which took two days) to make that appointment and the woman tells me they're scheduling for june 12th. i was absolutely speechless. truly. i was stammering as i told her i'd already been off work for three weeks (actually it's going on five, and that's just the medical leave), that i was in pain, that i, i, i... that i was going to call the neurologist and see what he thought i should do because i can't wait another month. the neurologist had said to call him if i couldn't get an appointment quickly and he'd call them and talk to the doc for me.

i got off the phone with the neurologist's receptionist, who was telling me part of the problem is that there aren't that many anesthesiologists who take my insurance group - my really good employer-sponsored insurance group - when the anesthesiologist's office calls back to say they can see me a week from tomorrow. hallelujah!!!! don't get me wrong - i was very happy and thankful that the receptionist took pity on me, all on her own without me having to beg, even, but shit! it's another week, just to do the consultation. the procedure is another appointment and who knows when the fuck that will be? at this rate i'm thinking i'll be lucky to get the damn thing before my leave ends on may 22nd. if my leave has to be extended again i'll cry.

just to make the whole scenario even more kafkaesque, i have an appointment with a neurosurgeon tomorrow. for some reason it was no problem to get an appointment with the surgeon! we made it so we wouldn't be caught waiting if surgery becomes necessary. in a perverse way, i almost feel like if the surgeon says "yes, surgery will help you and we can do it next week" it would be easier to just have surgery. i know that's silly and dumb after having such encouraging results with the oral steroids and the anti-seizure medicine, but at least it wouldn't be more of this interminable d - r - a - g - g - i - n - g it out. it's so frustrating to try and get the care i need. it's not like i'm bitching about not being able to get an appointment with the plastic surgeon to get liposuction and a boob job i don't need! i just want to quit hurting, get well, get back to work and back to my life. i'm not asking for all that much.

i remember hearing these two middle-aged men talking at the gym before the 2004 election, and the one saying to the other, "and the middle class don't want that much. all they want to is a good job so they can own a house, raise a family, and give their daughter a nice wedding." he was right, and maybe that's the problem with this country... that the working people don't want all that much, because the people with the money and the power want it all - and they're not interested in sharing.

thank God drew is coming with me for my appointment tomorrow or i think i'd have a nervous breakdown.